Don’t forget that Octagon Global Recruiting has its national drive near the end of this July down in San Diego, seeking (on behalf of the Dharma Initiative) volunteers for an important new research project.
Archive for May, 2008
To party. But I didn’t fight. And while I appreciate the work required to put together the memorial for my Dad this weekend — and everything which people had to say about him at it — it wasn’t a party. He asked for a party.
After the event, a smaller crowd gathered for pizza, beer, and wine. The kids present played outside. Some of us, later, snuck into the basement to watch the Mars landing.
In other words, after the memorial, there was a party, which was what he asked for in his will, but not everyone got to go to that.
While I appreciate the work required to put together the memorial for my Dad this weekend — and everything which people had to say about him at it — there should have just been what happened afterwards. Pizza, beer, wine, kids playing, people doing as they do.
But I didn’t fight for it. I kept seeing the planning veer further and further towards what originally I had insisted rather vehemently it not become, but I didn’t do anything about it.
And now, there’s nothing to be done. It’s too late. He demanded a party. And I didn’t make sure that’s what he got.
Having looked through the information written down by the departing coworker, I can say one thing with a fair certainty: In no way, shape, or form do I want the job into which my job will transform beginning tomorrow. I’d sooner pry my own eyes out with a spork than embed myself any deeper into the paths of inevitable bullshit.
Since returning yesterday from the trip back east for my Dad’s memorial party, I’m dealing with a wrenched wrist thanks to the other passengers who decided not to understand that jostling and pushing me out of the way while I was retrieving my carry-on baggage from the overhead compartment wasn’t the smartest or most courteous thing to do, in addition to returning to an apartment with a cat undergoing some sort of psychosis which prompts her to cry for attention and then howl and attack when she gets it, leading to no more than about an hour’s sleep last night.
My wrist hurts and I’m so in need to sleep I’m about ready to stab anyone who pisses me off today. And in all of this, somehow I have to manage and navigate the transition at work as the last remaining coworker departs and I have to take over a number of things I don’t know how to do.
Think anyone would notice if I took my share of my Dad’s estate and just disappeared off the face of the earth as far as anyone else was concerned?
I hope you excuse my very long silence. No reason why I haven’t written, I guess, just couldn’t sit long enough to write a letter — especially after sitting at work 8 hours. No ambition. Just enough energy to shower, put a record on & prop a book before me. I don’t understand this enormous lassitude that has overtaken me. Perhaps it has to do with leaving soon. I want Terribly to get out of the Army, but – oh, how I hate to leave Germany. Especially this Bavaria that has been my home for two years – and probably, deep inside me, for the rest of my life.
I want to write, but most of the time doubt my ability, and because of that, am afraid to plunge off the deep end in that direction. There is a strange feeling within me when I think about this – as if I were on the verge of some great event. Maybe it’s a dream I’m chasing, but that’s something that must be discovered by me alone. I shouldn’t doubt that one day i wound up a farmer; the soil appeals to me, as does the idea of long hours out-doors engaged in physical labor.
Needless to say, confusion runs rampant within me. I find myself searching for my meaning, my intent, in everything that happens around and to or with me. It’s difficult to find my relationship to the world – especially when the effort is so acutely conscious. There are people who effortlessly seem to glide into their niche, and then there are the others (myself included) who, though they can adjust to any situation, via fingernail method, their own niche – they always seem to choose the granite surface to do their scratching. But, in the end, I think the latter group find their lot the happier one – or maybe that’s wishful thought.
“Take Southlandlabs.com offline for now,” read the email from Adelle DeWitt (a character in Dollhouse, the forthcoming new series from Joss Whedon) which hit my inbox earlier today, “whilst we redesign.” That referenced website indeed currently is offline. However, the website of the domain from which the email came is up (sort of). The question now: Is this part of official viral marketing for Dollhouse, or just some fan-run effort getting a head start on the hype?
